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Dear Porn Pal...

2015-May-5 - Dear Porn Pal...

You'll never guess what happened-- I came across a bathroom in my dad's new apartment, and after that, instead of cleaning up, I just left!... like I was jerking off in there, and came across the whole room!... I finished on the wall and hit a picture of his girlfriend!

And then I left'im hangin' with a Happy Birthday high-five, "mayo" on the underside, slime-five spectacular (I j-fived my dad)!

Seriously-- I'm telling you-- divorce fucking rules! You get away with murder cuz' your parents' feel all bad for you!... I told my dad his Father's Day present was delivered, and was waiting in the toilet, and all he said was "what kind of son says a thing like that!"

I said "the one whose fucking father's spose'ta chaperone a dance instead of having sex with all his first-dates behind a tool-shed!"

I mean it's like, first I lose my skateboard, and then my BMX bike, and then my date to Junior Jamboree fucks my dad...

Junior high's the worst.

P.S. Pornapocalypse Now and Fang-Bangers 8 are finally out on video... so hit me up on Skype-- we can watch each other jerking off and give each other pointers.

-- PP4LIFE-- M.H.
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2014-Dec-29 - Dear Porn Pal--

Remember back in bible camp, the day that Pastor Nelson said to love ourselves, the way we love Jesus?...

But then we found that picture of your older brother's girlfriend?... and she was wearing nothing but'er scoliosis back brace?...


Cuz' last night my wiener started throwing up all over it, before I even finished saying bedtime prayers!... is there another copy?... cuz ' I think my wiener loves her the way I love hot dogs... so much I puke.



Dear Oral--

Yes... penises ejaculate... which most people know by the time they turn 30...

Have you ever tried the internet?... Because there's more than one girl and most the girls you see are actually free of Scoliosis.

Just a thought,

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